I don’t know about you, but I feel that I must be getting old. I am still trying to recover from my birthday in February, which turns out to be rather a long way back, but seems like yesterday.
The speed with which this year year hurdled past is matched only by the speed with which the economy worldwide has collapsed. Except in China, of course.
But as we get closer to Christmas, and hopefully snow, it occurs to me that the single biggest regret I have in life is not that I haven’t yet reached my goal of retiring rich. Or that I’ve given up on that, and just surviving to retirement age is the new target.
Nope, my biggest regret is that I have spent the past 35 years focused in the wrong direction. No matter what business books tell you, a client-centric focus is not the right approach for the small business owner. As one of my clients delicately put it a while back “Don’t ever confuse us clients with your friends.” Before you get frothy, please bear with me for a moment.
Many of my clients are great friends. But that’s not the point. The responsibility, nay the duty, of a small business owner is to be kiddie-centric. Clients come and go, but your kids are going to be messing up your house for the rest of your life. (Or messing up your life for the rest of your house, whichever comes first.)
They are a lot more forgiving. They are unlikely to abandon you when you mess up, or at least for as long as you have money to share.
In my case, until just a few years ago, every waking moment was spent on business. I rather liked the challenge. I still do. And frankly, it’s so much easier a challenge than preparing children for life.
But my biggest regret is that I didn’t get to put my kids to sleep every night they would have let me because I was too busy travelling, or too busy coding, or too busy in meetings, or too busy doing a bunch of thngs that seemed more urgent, but were nowhere near as important. My children assure me that “it’s okay dad”. But it isn’t really. Maybe they didn’t miss it. But I did.
Nowadays, when Mrs Carruthers and I go to any school gatherings with young Ms Carruthers, it is tacitly assumed that Danielle is accompanied by her mother and her grandfather. When I was about 30 I met a man older than 50 who told me exactly what I’m telling you. I ignored the best advice I ever got because I was too busy to believe him. In hindsight I think that 30 year old version of me was a prat. (I have no shortage of clients happy to confirm this.)
As I write this I’m listening to some vintage Rolling Stones. Each song brings back a memory of a person, a relationship. I have no idea what my bank balance was at the time that I heard each song for the first time. And I don’t know what business was like. But the people, them I remember.
So, for this last e-mail of 2011, may I humbly beg you to follow the only real piece of good advice I can give you this year? Take the time to put your kids to sleep over Christmas, and – what the heck – throughout next year. That investment is safer, more guaranteed, and will generate better returns forever than anything else you could possibly do.
Except, maybe, taking the time to put your partner to bed every now and then as well. That’s also whole heap of fun, it turns out, and you won’t be kicked in the nuts as often.
You don’t actually have to prepare them life. Just loving them is enough preparation – for both parties. And it sure is a lot more fun.
At the risk of cheapening the point, when your family takes strain, when your relationships are in turmoil, you might as well forget about business until you find balance. Relationships are more important than anything else.
And finally, don’t ever think that your kids are interested in the money. They aren’t. They don’t care, at least while they still want you close by when they sleep. They quite like you, though, so matter how tough things might seem to you, they just want to play. Try it. It’s kinda fun! There will be enough time for clients next year.
God Jul (Merry Christmas) and best wishes for 2012. We’ll talk again in January. Thanks for a fun 2011.