Before I offend you, let me explain. I use the word “selling” here in an American context. When they say “selling a client” they mean “making a sale to the client”. That headline sure is tempting, though, isn’t it?
This is a personal story with a business context.
The last time I found myself without a partner (and I sure hope that it is the last time) it seemed a good idea think carefully about what I wanted in such a person in future. I am a little shy to admit that I built a mind map (what your kids will call a spider man) detailing this perfect woman. At least, for me.
I spent some time thinking about what had gone right and wrong in each of my relationships, and made a lot of notes. Most of these were about me in fact. It turned out that the product on sale needed a lot of work.
But, by and by, I built a mental image of my ideal partner. I started with basics. For instance, I would prefer a woman. Then I thought through the detail. She would most likely be between 35 and 45. She would probably have young children. She would have a very gentle manner. She’d enjoy seeing new places. She’d laugh a lot. And so on.
This is what I had spent most of the previous two decades doing, but then it had been about building images of my perfect clients. I had had a lot more success finding them than finding the right marriage partner.
And then I went back to writing CrashProof your Business – which has since become South Africa’s best-selling book on surviving business closure. And, it turns out, South Africa’s only book on the subject.
As I thought about each attribute (her age, for instance) I could imagine many of the challenges she would be facing. At my age I was more interested in how she was handling those challenges than how she looked.
As I sat answering emails in my favourite bistro a few weeks later a showstopping woman walked in to chat to the owner. I had no idea who she was. But, she ticked a lot of the boxes on my list and a few that I hadn’t yet thought of. She was, in other words, a great prospect.
Because I had spent a lot of time thinking about her before I even knew her, I had a head start. Rather than rush up and use some corny line (“Can I help you?” would be the commercial equivalent), I did a little research.
Actually, I walked up to Sonja (the owner of Taste, the fine coffee shoppe where this happened) and asked her for the name of my future wife. Then I found out where she worked. It turned out she owned a business as well, and that gave us a lot of common ground. And then I sent some flowers with a note.
Of course, you know the end of the story. I sold a woman, as the Americans might say. Or, more properly, I sold me to a woman.
The key to the story is this: Your product doesn’t much matter until after the first sale (or date). Until then, it is all about the prospect. Get that right, and you get your foot in the door, as it were. In my case, the shared coffee at Fego. Only much later did she share with me that when she arrived she almost turned back because all she saw was a hunched old man in front of a PC.
Yet I find that most of us devote all of our time to the product. As a person that would be the focus on your body, or your degrees, or your car. And then we hope someone will notice. (If we build it, they will come, we think.)
I think it is much easier to build a picture of the folk that will fit you, and then approach them rather than wasting a life waiting for others to find you. They won’t. They’re too busy. You must take that first step. It helps a lot to have thought about what you’re stepping into.
PS I use Freemind for most of my mind maps nowadays. It runs on Windows, Apple, and Linux.